Confidence. What a common word. We hear it all the time. "All I need is the confidence to take that next step...if I could just find the confidence to make my dreams a reality...what plagues me is having the confidence to believe I can do what I daydream about and make money...." I’m going to assert that confidence isn’t what is necessary and that it is highly overrated.
Let’s talk about being scared with some real life 'LIZ' examples. Confidence wasn’t what snapped me out of 15 years of ignoring a life calling to finally create a website, start blogging and begin facilitating workshops. What the hell? I went from being in complete and total scaredy-cat resistance-mode to 100% in action.
Confidence wasn’t what had me leave home at the age of 17 with no place to go, nor did confidence play a role in the decision to get in my car and drive to Calgary, Canada from Charleston, South Carolina by myself (just because).
It was nowhere to be found the day I forced myself out on stage in front of a crowd of 100 hairdressers at a beauty show to do a makeover on someone and then talk about it (I had never spoken in public before -I took one for the team that day). I guarantee confidence didn’t play a part in any of these situations.
Tara Mohr, in her book “Playing Big”, says that we can’t wait for confidence to find us and that we get to learn how to walk with self doubt. I say that she’s right on and I’ve spent most of my life proving it.
So what if, instead of reaching for something we don’t have in the moment, we access what we do have? Desire, excitement, heart, all the good juju that comes from thinking about doing “it”…why don’t we bring those things on our Party-for-One journey? The self-doubt will come along for the ride whether we want it in the car or not. Self doubt sneaks in the backseat when you’re packing the trunk. It’s ok, ask it to get comfy and then pull out your GPS and get ready to motor down the road.
1. Acknowledge Your Fear from the Start. Call it out, give it a name, dress it up, make light of it even. Your fear has its own personality. Acknowledging the thing you're afraid of has a way of shrinking it. Speaking your fear out loud will dissipate the energy. Important: do not camp out on this step. Get in and get out. The flip side of this brilliant exercise is mucking around in it and you don't want to do that.
2. Remember Your Why. There is a big, badass reason WHY you are stepping into this thing you want. Find it and keep it plastered to your bathroom mirror (or any other surface that will hold a post it note). If you forget what it is in any moment, put your hand over your heart and ask yourself why this is important to you. You will get an answer if you are listening.
3. Take It to the Bank. Let your heart-centered answer be what drives you to take the next step. Your own uniqueness is what is calling your name and it’s what wants to be let out into the world. Heed your call.
4. Resistance is Part of the Process. Remember this and you’ll be golden. When you meet resistance along the way you can acknowledge it and ask it to kindly (it's always a good practice to be nice to yourself) to step out of the way. I deal with resistance on a daily basis, but the more action I take, the less resistance I have. Marie Forleo says, “Clarity comes from engagement, not thought.” Ooooh, that is a good one.
5. Take Baby Steps. You don’t have to eat the whole enchilada. Break it into smaller chunks…it’s easier to swallow that way. When you’re up to something that scares the daylights out of you, it’s better to slice it up. Start with baby steps, and then another step, and another. A month later you have taken a whole lot of steps. That’s how leaps are made. Danielle La Porte’s TruthBomb deck says, “Absolutely Everything is Progress”…and it is.
6. Keep Going. Don't Stop. Keeping doing the “it”. There is a lot of clarity that comes from doing something over and over. It’s the whole “practice makes perfect” idea and it is part of exercising that muscle. This is not a one time thing. Keep doing it, get better at it, clarify, refine, expand, shine, radiate, and amaze.